Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Failed Monster Attempts


Monsters that don’t work:


  • Chucky Series – All the doll does is make morbid jokes, and he is more comical than terrifying if you ask me.  Also, how does he just run around without anyone ever seeing him? 
  • I Know What You Did Last Summer – LAME! The threats that happen in the first movie just crack me up.  I mean finding crabs in your backseat is pretty terrifying if you ask me! Way to go!
  • House of a thousand corpses / Devil's rejects – Loved them, but they both had weird, bad plots.  Especially when they dressed up their victims as lambs? Sure I get the whole victim/slaughter motif, but they just let them run around like that.  And then when they put them in the grave thing, the zombie creatures underground went to attack them only for their costumes rather than their blood?  And why does the one guy insist on dressing up as a clown?  Hell, to me that was the scariest part!
  • District 9 – I was so excited to see this, and when I found out that it was a documentary and the first half of it was boring, fake technical drama about people evicting aliens from the house I was so disappointed.  Plus, they made the aliens eat cat food!  How are you supposed to be scared by a creature whose main food supply is cat food? 
  • Leprechaun series- They remind me of Chucky.  The leprechaun is hysterical, and when you add that to the way he moves, and all the sexual innuendos he makes at people, you can’t help but to wonder why this is located in the horror section.  Even when he kills people it’s funny because he will take one of their legs and use it to drive a car or something.
  • Sabertooth- I watched this on Sci-fi one day and it just killed me.  The creature was so poorly animated, that every time it came on screen, I just had to hang my head in shame.
  • The Boogeyman series- One fail after the other.  Poor plotting if you ask me.  The series just didn’t work based on how they portrayed the Boogeyman, and the scenarios that they put people in. 
  • Darkness falls –The Tooth Fairy… really?
  • The Blair With project- I don’t think I even need to say anything about this. 
  • An American Werewolf in London – Love it, but worst werewolf movie I have ever scene; his dead friend just makes fun of him throughout the whole movie, and the fact that he makes a joke out of contemplating suicide just baffles me.  Plus the ending pissed me off so bad, because they just shoot him and it’s over.  Plus the violence/gore was just to lame – but it was an older movie so I normally let that part slide.
  • The flying monkeys in wizard of Oz – How was Dorothy even scared of them?  I would be excited if I saw flying monkeys haha!!  They are probably the friendliest looking monster I have yet to see.
  • The Ring-I just have a hard time with this one.  The girl just wanted a mother figure after all, so it's kind of hard to blame her.  I mean I can be sympathetic too -- if someone threw me down a well and left me to die, I would probably get pissed off too!
  • The Grudge- Not quite sure how this is horror to be honest....I mean, the hair in the tub probably freaked me out the most because it is one of my pet peeves. 
  • War of the Worlds -- AH I HATED IT! Don't even get me started.

What other ones can you guys think of?